During the last few months at home we’ve exhausted our collection of recipes, of both favorite home-cooked meals and quick and easy dinners. We have certainly missed the luxury of eating out, not only for the uniqueness of the food but also for the break from the work in the kitchen. When we finally decided to get carry-out from one of our favorite local restaurants, we excitedly looked over the menu with so many of our favorite items and chose carefully from the long list. Whereas before we would just pick whatever struck us in the mood of the minute, we now went over and over the choices, no longer taking the choice for granted. With carryout boxes open on our kitchen table we enjoyed the indulgence of these much missed treats, savoring every bite. We relished in the savory foods until, a couple of hours later, they sat sour on our stomachs. Cooking at home for weeks and weeks, our bodies weren’t accustomed to digesting these rich foods and they labored to process them as we felt tired, a little sick and disappointed. The good news of the gospel today sits on my stomach like too-rich food that I’m not accustomed to digesting and I struggle to process it. I’m tempted, because of my discomfort, if -- like the carryout food -- I can just avoid it.
Today Jesus continues his instructions to the twelve disciples that we began last week as he prepares them to go out into the world, bringing healing and wholeness. They have been instructed to take nothing but themselves and are to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit. Today Jesus speaks directly to the growing unease in the pits of the disciples stomachs, as he acknowledges the reality of the risk, danger and discomfort of discipleship. The Pharisees have accused Jesus of healing in the name of Beelzebul, the prince of demons, and yet the disciples are to proclaim Jesus’ message from the housetops! Jesus’ message will put the disciples' very lives at risk and he simply offers God’s favor and overflowing love as comfort for the journey. Finally Jesus predicts unrest through broken relationships within communities, families and households. We are left with the unsettling words “Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Mt 10:39) Today’s gospel message strips away illusions of comfort and sits sour in my stomach while I continue to digest it. It is speaking to us, as Christians, about the reality of living as Christian disciples, a reality that we might prefer to avoid.
Both the reading from Romans and the Gospel turn us toward knowing our self, our true identity, knowing who we really are. Paul writes to the Romans about the gift of baptism and the assurance that “We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin.” (Rom 6:6) Our baptism is symbolic of our alignment with Christ, our participation in God’s work, our choice to continually turn toward God. Our baptism reminds us that God chooses us, God shares God’s power with us, to participate in bringing justice, peace and wholeness into the world. Our baptism gives us the persistence we need, not to avoid our discomfort, but to do the work to process Jesus’ message. So what is this old self that Paul mentions? I think our old self is the part of our self that resists Christ’s presence, turning us away from God and God’s call to us. For me, my old self is the part of me that persists in doubting that I can stand before you today and share my thoughts on this gospel. My old self tells me that I’m too small and can’t possibly make a difference on big issues like racial justice, equality and LGBTQ inclusion. My old self tells me that keeping the illusion of peace, avoiding the discomfort of change, and sacrificing my true self to not upset others, are top priorities. Remembering my baptism reminds me that this old self, along with all of its toxic messages, “was crucified”, Christ has destroyed my old self and set my true self free to live and love abundantly in Christ. My baptism is my inauguration into discipleship.
Today in Matthew’s gospel Jesus continues to encourage us to let go of the toxic messages of our old self and live as Christian disciples. He says don’t be afraid, I’m with you, let’s do this together! Honestly, when Jesus tells us to have no fear I always cringe a bit because I know it’s going to be a rough ride. I know he usually tells me to not be afraid when he asks me to do something scary. Today’s lesson is like a white water rafting tour just after the spring thaw with swollen rapids and icy cold water that pierces through our fog of complacency. But, we can do this, let’s hold on tight, join together in solidarity, and let the icy water awaken us to Christ’s call.
First Jesus warns us that in doing the work of discipleship we are likely to be accused of aligning with demons, Beelzebul. We should expect people in power to go to great lengths to maintain systems that deny the power of our baptism and perpetuate toxic messages that keep us complacent. This complacency lives into the continuing oppression for the poor, marginalized and sick in society, the very people Jesus calls into wholeness. The United States is not above oppressive systems of power as we have seen recently in the news of COVID-19 spread, racial injustice and LGBTQ rights. We are called to wake up and act as a disciple of Christ against oppressive systems, a potentially dangerous task and surely one that is outside our comfort zone. And yet, Jesus says have no fear, all will be revealed. Jesus encourages us to wear our baptism on our sleeve, don’t whisper and stay quiet about it, proclaim it on the housetops! Even those in power who can bring bodily harm we should not fear because we have been claimed by God. Jesus’ difficult message continues as he declares that he isn’t here to bring peace, but a sword, and discipleship may turn family members against each other. I wish that Jesus had refined his message a bit, smoothed out the rough edges and steep drops, and assured us that surely he doesn’t intend for us to put our lives on the line along our journey of discipleship. I wish that Jesus placated our desire for polite kindness in our relationships in his call to us, more like a calm kayak through warm, still waters. But he didn’t, he gave us the turbulent, breath-catching, sometimes dangerous, freezing rapids. And that’s hard to face.
Looking back in history at people I would consider disciples, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Martin Luther King Jr, and Malcolm X, I see that discipleship is jagged, icy, rough, and costs everything. In the book study I’m leading now on Dear Church by disciple Lenny Duncan, he states “The gospel is always a call for liberation. It infects the hearts of those it has been presented to like wildfire that scorches away hatred. When did we become so damn afraid of it? Dear Church, we are cowards.” (p.5) Are we cowards? Can I respond to this challenging call that Jesus describes today and live into my baptism as a Christian disciple? I don’t know, but I think that the problem is my old self. The problem takes me back to Paul’s letter to the Romans. The problem is the “I can’t” messages that my old self perpetuates. The problem is the politeness that our culture and society value over real change, true justice, and actual wholeness. The problem is that I don’t always live like my old self has been crucified and buried, it keeps coming back to me. The problem is that this old self takes my courage, renews my fear, and leaves me passive, complacent and waiting. I need Jesus’ white water rapids, icy cold rafting trip to pierce through my fog. And really, I need you, this community of faith, to hold on tight and go with me where I’m scared to go, to remind me of my baptism, when I don’t remember it myself.
Jesus leaves us today with instructions to take up our cross, lose our life and find freedom in Christ. Man it’s hard! Sometimes I wish to avoid taking up my cross like that heavy carry-out food, and sometimes I do. And the crazy, confusing, wonderful thing is that I’ve found incredible joy in taking up my cross too. A couple of weeks ago many of us stood together on our front lawn here in solidarity for racial justice. Many of us, when thinking about participating, wrestled with our old self and eventually committed to come for an hour or two. Many of us stayed much, much longer because we found joy in the connection we made with one another and with the community. We were encouraged by the overwhelming show of support from neighbors, drivers, walkers, bikers, and many others who passed by. Our enthusiasm was fueled by the support of two community members who unexpectedly came and stood with us, joining us in sharing this message for justice. We were touched by the generous hearts of others who shared cold drinks, balloons and many thanks. We experienced so much joy in discipleship! And, still some people weren’t happy about us bringing the message of racial justice out into our front yard and proclaiming it from the housetops. Some people were set against us as we witnessed disproving hand gestures and received a disgruntled voicemail. As a community we strengthen one another and will not allow this adversity to renew our old self or dissuade us from living into our call to discipleship. We won’t let it.
As we continue to navigate our path as disciples, we sit with an uncomfortable and heavy, yet unavoidable message from Jesus today. Our fog of complacency is pierced by the ice cold waters of our baptism. We are reminded that our old self, along with its toxic messages, has been crucified. We live together, in Christ, and have been called to break down systems of injustice and promote healing and wholeness for the oppressed. This call to discipleship is challenging and overwhelming and that is why we have one another, to walk together, encourage each other, and remember the significance of our baptism. Do not be afraid, you are infinitely valuable to God.
Amen.